The last couple days have been much better for me than the beginning of the week when I was struggling both emotionally and with time management.
Emotionally, I have been focusing on two goals.
First, I’m trying to do things that make me happy, and then I’m trying to personally enjoy them without focusing on sharing them with other people. I have a tendency to only feel satisfaction when I’m sharing something awesome with at least one other person. I struggle to be happy when I’m doing something alone, even if the thing that I’m doing is something that I generally enjoy. Marisa helped me realize that I have this tendency to experience disappointment and sadness if I’m not able to share the incredible experiences in my life.
Here’s an example this tendency: on Wednesday I was mountain biking on Park City Mountain Resort. It was late in the afternoon; the sun was shining low through the branches, most of which were bare with only a few golden leaves still shimmering in the light. There were two inches of fresh snow on the trail, but the ground was firm underneath and the riding was perfect. I came into a clearing and an entire herd of elk, all of the males with full racks, were standing just feet from me. Startled by my presence, they bolted up the mountain in a stampede. As they ran up the hill I distinctly remember thinking “this would be really cool if there was somebody here with me”.
Now that I have identified my tendency to need to share my life, I’m excited about finding ways to experience personal happiness by myself. Next time I’m in the woods by myself on a perfect fall evening without a cloud in the sky, with my mountain bike underneath me and fresh snow on the ground, and I come around a corner and start a stampede of elk, I hope I think to myself “this is really cool”.
For my second emotional goal, I’m trying to use a “fake it till it’s true” method to deal with the emotional swings that I’ve been experiencing. To me, this means that I want to do the things that make me a great human being, even when I don’t feel like a great human being. I’ve been playing with this theme for two days, and I believe it’s helped me feel more steady. The reason this method is helpful to me is that it doesn’t create any pressure on me to not be sad. The goal is simply to do things that are good, which is much easier than feeling good. This method makes me feel like it’s okay to be down emotionally. In fact, not only is it okay, it simply doesn’t matter, as long as my actions continue to be good. It seems to have created a positive feedback loop for me: if I accept that I’m sad but still do good things then I feel better because I did good things.
On the time management front, I was able to get a lot of things that were weighing on me accomplished by taking two days away from my team and the camp. I was excited to return to training with the group this morning, and I feel like everything I have to do is manageable now.
Training has continued to feel really good. I had a great skate roller ski intensity session with both my team and the Canadian National Team this morning. We did 5 by 10 minutes at level 3, a sustainable pace. Recently I have been able to elevate my heart rate very easily which is a good sign for my energy levels.